Last week I finally broke down and told BURR what I was feeling: I’m sick of being single.
Thing is - this is a never-ending condition which I bear in the utmost of secure ways. The OkCupid guy I’d talked about three weeks ago didn’t work out. He initiated a long convo over many days and after about two more weeks of intense convo we set a date to meet - April 13. We then started making plans about when and where to meet and what we might do once we met. Then in less than 24 hours from the last time he and I talked his profile on okcupid was deleted. Now, maybe I’d played the cards wrong but just a few days before this incident I had gone on to my beloved ivillage and learned about the dangers, ups and downs of internet dating and eventual meetings. There are red flags for men who might be married or in relationships that include a need to keep things secret with you and him. And further there are other signs that you’re not talking to the real deal. A deleted profile was starting to fit at least one bill. He and I were already communicating via email so I waited a few days and then asked him what was up. He, like so many male drama queens, hesitated, then hinted, then finally said “we’re not meeting on April 13.” Again I asked “ok, so please be direct with me. What does this mean?” Well turns out said boy first said he had an epiphany which is what made him decide he didn’t want to talk to me. I said good bye and sent the email. He wrote back in all caps about “what do you want me to do?” I wrote back replying to his childish ways and said good bye. He wrote back and said “it’s too late now to fix things” I replied one. more. time and said good bye at the end of that one. I think we repeated said cycle for at least three more rounds and then I finalized (I think) during which time he gave me two more excuses about how drama in his life just suddenly appeared and it made him realize things. About three hours after the last good bye from me, he wrote one last time about how he wanted so badly to tell me what was going on, and if he was ever able to he would, but to know that he’s bettering himself right now. I’m not holding my breath. Boys.
I had made contact with a nice gal on facebook who’d been poking me and lightly conversing during the occasional hello and such for more than a year. She had posted a survey “I realize that…” and I thought she sounded like she needed a friend. Turns out she was having some guy problems and is trying to get through the end of her own undergrad term also. We talked, I told her about the above male drama-queen and Laura told me her own pal’s winning formula: juggle at least four guys at a time. I thought, upon reading this, seriously? how does one secure four guys at the same time in the first place? Well it’s possible: I’m talking to 13 guys in the last week and a half. All of whom write back. All of whom I’ve been trying to manage and let me be the first one to say it’s exhausting and I am tending to repeat myself. Of these guys I’ve had two guys ask if we could meet. Both are situated in Buffalo, the furthest away is 45 minutes drive time and we’ve talked about meeting in public places and such. I’m playing it cool. I think. I’ve also been engaged in much talk with four guys all in Toronto and area. It’s nice to feel attractive at least. But I don’t think I’m any where closer to securing a “man” but what did I expect. Many of them are asking why I’m on there in the first place. My best rationale is that I’m feeling a bit isolated here in Niagara. The expanded truth would be — I’m tired of the guys around here! Seriously.
Self Challenge
- hello, SC how are you today? Apparently this is Week 6. Doesn’t feel like it. I’m doing well. Getting in at least my three cardios a week and have been dealing with family members continuously commenting that I should be running more. Yesterday it came to an all-time obvious when my little sister was reading my Month 2 Self Challenge in my Self magazine, scoffed and yelled “they can’t be serious about only 3 cardios a week, right?” I’ll take her suggestion in to consideration.
BUT
- reasons why I’m feeling worn down:
1) I need a new mattress. Yes, I’m tired of waking up with a common back ache! I’m dying here people. My left side of my neck and upper and mid-back have been in continuous screaming pain. I want a Queen. I want a pillow-top. I’m researching. I need to wait for the tax return and then we’ll talk. After I pay for school.
2) Rocky, puppy, head-butted me in the upper nose/forehead last Monday. Have recovered in some ways but have been plagued with migraines since. Migraines could be triggered by above (1) condition. Thank you bed.
3) My parents are out to kill me. Janice is out to control me. She’s motivating me to earn more in two weeks, thus save to MOVE OUT. Even if it’s just down the street. I have no problem with finding a place in PoCo if it means her getting OFF my back. She actually said “it’ll be your life when you move out. Until then I get my say.” I followed it up (in my mind) with: how much could she really control when she has no idea the things I’ve done with boys and the ways I talk. Seriously lady - I’m 25. I pay rent despite I’m in school (and my ‘rents told us we didn’t have to pay rent if we’re in school) and my 22-year-old sister who’s full-time, working for the gov, with benefits lives for FREE at that same home. You know that would be ok, or manageable if I wasn’t being kicked in the ass by the parental company Jordan Publications Inc. According to my father, I’ve been “promoted” to VP. Sadly I might have already been calling myself that seeing as how I’m their only real employee my job title has always been pretty flexible. Well this promotion is over the edge however. I’m already full-time. I’m already over my workload and trying to DVD burn while continuously type. This is where I have to put my foot down. Maybe I’m wrong to assume this but when G and J just on some crazy whim decide to change my job description I believe I deserve some professional courtesy. For example: a question on whether I ACCEPT that promotion would have been nice. Or say a proper outline of what VP means would have been nice. Or even better a clear discussion with me about whether or not MOVING my PoCo office to Welland is feasible and/or if it affects anyone more than me.
No, I have yet to receive an outline. Yes, my parents are under the belief that I’ve accepted and have already called me and acted like I’ve accepted. They weren’t received well by that. No, my mother has not TRIED to sit down and have the above conversation about moving my office with me. She has however made plans to do so after I’ve asked for a discussion. She has also however “forgotten” to tell me about the plans and also “forgotten” to have a discussion with me. She has also however BLOWN me off at almost 2 a.m. when I have to work at 8 a.m. the following morning. I did something different than I usuaully do. I wrote a hand-written note. The note detailed my reasoning for wanting the office to saty at the home office. I also concluded the note saying I hadn’t accepted the position and had not been properly outlined the job in question.
The note was handed to my mother on Sunday night around 2 a.m., last night (Monday) at about 11 p.m., I finally asked Mom if she had even read my note. She said “yes” and I asked “are we going to discuss this?” she said “yes” And that was it. You have got to be kidding me??? She’s being a child and it’s serious. I’m ready to pack up and find a better job. She’s stringing me along as if she thinks she can. I think it’s seriously that my mother can’t distinguish between being my mother and my employer. Sure there are benefits to being both - when she can’t pay me right away I’m ok with it, when she needs me to drive my father/nonna/her around for some number hours in a day instead of working, she doesn’t usually complain how I didn’t get anything done. But it does mean that the usual courtesies that would be considered automatic when dealing with an employee — she has to remember her decisions AFFECT me!!!
